THE TACO BELL STORY
Staying true to my blog's name, Grandmama's Stories, one of the most requested stories from the plethora of tall tales associated with my family members involves my now deceased mother, the Taco Bell Drive-Thru, and the case of "the misread sign".
As she began to age, her health began to deteriorate, her mind began to fail, her memory was sporadic, and macular degeneration took her sight, so she moved to be closer to me.
The two of us had a lot of good years and many adventures together before the veil of dementia took her from me. To say she made us all laugh would be an understatement. There wasn't much of a filter between mother's brain and her mouth. She was a woman of strong opinions accompanied by the loudest "Stage Whisper" you've ever heard. Combine her strong opinion with that infamous stage whisper and you had a recipe for mayhem at times.
I constantly lived on the edge... afraid of what she might say in public. You can well imagine how many embarrassing moments she gave me as a teen-ager. As an adult, though, I found my crazy little mama most delightful with a sense of humor that I had finally grown to appreciate. However, as funny as I found mama's comments, I was cognizant of the fact that the public may not always find her "remarks" quite as endearing as I found them. She was the poster child for the term "Politically Incorrect." Oh, my friends, God broke the mold when He made that little lady!
With this brief biographical background, I will attempt to tell a story that is best told in person but worthy of my best efforts to "TELL" via the written word.
It was a Saturday afternoon, and my elderly mother and I were driving home from a quilting class. Taco Bell was her favorite fast-food restaurant and I do believe she could have eaten her weight in nachos! There was never a question as to where we were going to eat for lunch. This particular Saturday, mama was tired so I decided to make a quick run through the Taco Bell Drive-Thru window. I placed our order and immediately began digging through my purse for my money and coupons. (I don't know about you, but I spend half my life digging through my purse looking for some UFO that goes missing much like socks in a dryer....but I digress...)
With head bent over my purse, the old peripheral vision notices mother leaning sharply toward me to the point of almost being in my lap, eyes squinting sharply, head shaking, and finger wagging.
"What is she doing?"
"Oh No, what is she getting ready to say?"
in one of those " life flashing before my eyes" moments.
Imagine, if you will, our verbal exchange... keeping in mind mother's failing vision and penchant for only reading the first and last of a word. (You know... the common mistake...when you read the word HOUSE and the word is actually HORSE?!) Can we say, CLOSE BUT NO CIGAR?
Mama: "Lord have mercy, I never thought I'd live to see the day they would be selling "them" through the Drive-Thru window of a Taco Bell. Jane, we're going to Hell in a hand-basket, I tell ya...hell in a hand-basket...
ME: "What are you talking about, Mama????" All they're selling are Tacos and Nacho Bell Grande's"
Mama: "Jane, I know what I see and I tell ya, I never thought I'd live to see something like this happen! I'd heard about this on the news but just never believed I'd live to see it happen right here."
ME: "Mama, why are you so upset? No one is selling anything but tacos and nachos.
Mama: "No Jane, LOOK... right there on the window! Read that sing and See for yourself!"
By this time, I realize my mother had convinced herself some HUGE moral gaffe had taken place right THEN AND THERE and no amount of arguing was going to change her mind...nevertheless, for the life of me I couldn't figure out what had her in such a snit! I took one more look at the Drive-Thru Window and told myself... Think like Mama... Think like Mama...
the Light-bulb goes on...
I suddenly knew why my mother thought the world was going to Hell in a Hand-basket...
what she thought was being sold in the Drive-Thru Window of Taco Bell...
On the DRIVE-THRU Window,
the Sign Read.......
CONDIMENTS UPON REQUEST
After I stopped laughing, I explained patiently to my mama that CONDIMENTS were
CON_ _ MS !!
"Don't you tell that one on me, Jane Ellen."
Oh, Mama, that was one promise I JUST COULDN'T KEEP!!!
(pssst...I love you and miss you, mama. I hope you're entertaining Heaven the way you entertained all of us!))
and now you know
THE TACO BELL STORY!