Today's post is born from a heavy heart...a burden for my child shouldering the weight of the world as she raises a special needs child...a child with a life long handicap that has been determined to be the most expensive handicap a child can have. A handicap that causes many marriages to fail, and families to split apart under the stress.
God created the seasons of the year but I like to think there are seasons of the HEART as well. I am going through a season of feeling powerless...having to step back and watch the people I love most in this world bear burdens I would gladly bear myself. A season of wanting to step in and take control when life is out of control...wanting to take the pain away or at least kiss it and make it better. It worked when our children were little but now we can only sit back and watch our grown children bear the burdens heaped upon them and want once again "to kiss it and make it all better".
If only a kiss would make it all better, I would fill their world with butterfly kisses, raspberry kisses, big sloppy kisses, kisses upon kisses
My precious Grandson James got new braces today. Forrest Gump kind of braces...the kind of braces that SHOUT to the world I HAVE A HANDICAPPED CHILD/GRANDCHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
His mother, Mary Ellen, and my oldest daughter, simply wasn't prepared for the Institutional Look of these new braces. In the past, James' braces have been tempered with cool shoes, cool colors, blinking lights in the soles of the shoes, and even stickers. No amount of stickers are going to make these puppies look cool.
The reason for the braces however, is to correct the right foot from turning in at a severe angle. Every option has been tried and nothing has worked. James even has to wear some sort of "cables" at night when he sleeps???!!
These new braces involve a metal ring around the waist covered in leather and a flexible pole going down the side of his leg. I will have to post pictures so you can see how "lovely" they are. HOWEVER, we know in our head the Braces are necessary to reach James' goal of *Independent Walking"!! Our hearts just haven't caught up as yet.Today this smile was replaced with tears and fear of the unknown...on the part of ALL of us! Will the Braces work? Will his foot alignment be corrected? How long will he wear them? What happens if they DON'T work?? These are all questions we have no answers for...at least not on this day...maybe 3 months...6 months...1 yr. down the road, we'll have some answers. Will MORE Therapy be the answer???
My prayers are for my daughter to have the physical and emotional strength to WALK this journey with James. I'm thankful for Josh and his support as her husband and father to James. I would not want her to walk this path as a single Mom!!
It's these days of NOT KNOWING how everything is going to turn out, having to walk in Faith, having to Keep On Keeping On even when the spirit is down, finding strength when the soul is weary and having to sit on the sidelines cheering from the bleachers. I want to comfort but don't have the words. I want to offer wisdom but feel ignorant in the face of such overwhelming obstacles.
I am reminded that my daughter is still the same child who at age 3 picked up a lizard and when I told her to put it down because she might get bit, put her little spunky hands on her hips and with finger pointed, told me "Now you just go back to your Cross Stichin and I"LL handle this lizard.If Only this was just a Lizard, sweetheart........................................................................................
My Prayer, Dear Lord, is that while in a cocoon of love, the best medical attention available, physical,speech, & occupational therapy, and good teachers, you will allow James to grow, strengthen, and prepare for the miracle of becoming a Butterfly. Help us through these dark days when all we have is our Faith in YOU.