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Sunday, July 15, 2012


JULY 15, 2012

Today's post is a special prayer lifted up for those who have lost a child.  It may be a child that died BEFORE birth, AT or Soon After birth, or during their life here on earth.  Regardless of HOW or WHEN, your loss is one that none of us would ever want to experience.  Parents are just not supposed to bury their children. Nonetheless, many of us are called to minister to a grieving parent and often are at a loss as to HOW.  Allow me to share this story.

My heart is broken for a very dear young mother who lost her 16 yr. old son, J.R., back in March.  

J.R. was driving home after the local High School Golf Team practice when his truck ran off the edge of the road, he tried to correct by sharply pulling the steering wheel and the truck spun out of control ejecting J.R. from the truck.  No, sadly, he wasn't wearing his seat-belt like many young men who at age 16 think they're invincible.

I taught this young mother when she was in 6th grade.  Even then, her quiet spirit spoke of a depth of character and inner strength far beyond her years.  God knew she would go through this *season* of grief and was preparing her to face her greatest challenge.  

Today, she posted a prayer request on her Facebook page that touched me in such a way that I felt I needed to share it with you in hopes that it may help another parent grieving over the loss of a child.  Her depth of spirit shines in these poignant words of grief as well as her need for others to help her in her walk.

God, You are the divine Connector. You know exactly whom I need in my relational network to help me scale my mountain of grief. You also know who needs me to give them insight and encouragement. Thank You that I am not alone in this journey and that there are those who are willing to walk with me for a season. Show me who they are and give me the courage to ask them to help me. Open my eyes to the needs of others and use me to comfort them as well. Amen.

How Can YOU Help a Grieving Parent?
1.  Prayer:  The effectual, fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much.  James 5:16
2.  Prepare a meal or give the family a restaurant coupon such as for Pizza delivery.
     Preparing a meal can be an overwhelming task when you are grieving.
3.  If there are other children in the family, plan a fun activity with them and allow the parents to                
     have some alone time.
4.  BRIEF check-in calls, texts, emails with words of love and encouragement let them know
     that hey are not forgotten.  For them, their world has stopped and watching everyone go about 
     their lives can be painful.  So many forget that grief is a long process and the need to comfort
     can be a lengthy process as well.
5.  Plan a lunch/dinner date or a short outing and encourage the parents to come with you. 
     If at first you don't succeed, keep asking!
6.  Be a good listener by encouraging them to TALK about their child or their experiences.  
7.  A Hand written note of encouragement on a REGULAR basis via snail mail.  I've always found 
     this gesture to be welcomed!
8.  Think of someway to honor or pay tribute to the child.   Locally, our Botanical Garden (for a $25      
     charitable donation) will release a butterfly in the person's name and the grieving family
     receives a beautiful 8x10 watercolor butterfly painting.  A friend honored my mother in this
     way and every time I pass the butterfly painting on my wall, I smile!  Plant a tree, rosebush, 
     or other plant.  
9.  In the child's name:  volunteer for a charitable organization, participate in local 
     charity runs/marathons, donate blankets/quilts for the Hospital NICU, endow a scholarship, 
10.  LISTEN, HUG, LISTEN, HUG, PRAY, PRAY, PRAY , PRAY and on and on and on...

My sincerest blessings go out to all parents AND Grandparents who have experienced a loss.

This link will take you to a most appropriate song 


  1. Thank you So VERY MUCH for sharing. These are excellent suggestions. Our four year old son was killed in a tragic accident on our farm almost 31 years ago. It has become one of my ministries to work with and help mom's through their grieving process. One thing I am careful to do is to say, "For me or for us..how it was."

    The most important..as is in the list..their world has still stopped and other people's world is still turning. Don't be afraid to talk about and remember their child. On of the greatest fears is that others will not remember your child ever lived.

    Don't be afraid of their tears..allow them to cry and to grieve.

  2. I almost know exactly how this feels. We lost my 16 yr old nephew one week after he celebrated his birthday and one week before Christmas 8 years ago. The memories are still very fresh. Each year, to honor his memory, we have a softball tournament to raise money for the scholarship fund in his memory. So far we have given away $12,000 in scholarships and this year we are not only doing that, but we are buying a new scoreboard for his school. It is a great way to keep his spirit alive.

    This year I wanted to make a quilt to raffle but with the deadline I had for the teacher end of year quilts, I just didn't have time. So my wonderful blog readers made the blocks for me. The queen size quilt is finished and the lap quilt will be done today and then both are off the my lon arm friend. Every stitch is filled with love from so many people who truly care and it is a wonderful feeling.

  3. My best friend lost a child several years ago and I well remember that time spent with her. There is no grief like it and only God can heal those wounds. Praying today for all parents who have lost a child or grandchild. blessings, marlene

  4. I hope I never have to endure that pain. My heart and prayers to all those who do. Those idea are excellent and can be applied to most any life crisis. Thank you for this post Gmama.

  5. A heartfelt and helpful post. I can't imagine any loss more devastating than the loss of a child or grandchild.

  6. These are excellent suggestions~ My daughter lost her son in womb at 41 weeks due to a knot in the umbellical cord. Wow, was that a hard one to go through with her! We have also had friends to lose their children...from illnesses. Another reason to never take anyone for granted. We are not guaranteed to live to be 80+ years old~ But each life is so valuable and can never be replaced, but can be appreciated and remembered with love in our hearts!~ ♥♥♥

  7. How sad to loose a loved one, no matter who or when, but especially a child who has their whole life before them. Your suggestions are so important, and helpful. Thank you for passing this along <3

  8. I remember when you told me about this young man when he died. It is just so sad when a child dies because they are not suppose to die so young. I haven't suffered this but have been close to it several times with my daughter and i know what a terrible feeling it is when you just think you are going to lose them. Hold our children close and always remember to tell them you love them. We did lose our granddaughter before we even got a chance to know her and that was so devastating and I found going to a grief group for parents very helpful.
    Blessings and prayers for all who have lost a child.

  9. Each one of us experiences the death of a loved one differently.And with each loved one lost, there is a difference in the grief. I experienced the death of a sibling while we were both in our teens, the sudden death of my father while I was a mother of teens, and the long goodbye with my mother after I was a grandparent. All of those passings were different, and my grief process for each took a different path. The one constant in each of those losses is the healing power of prayer, and the support of friends. Thank you Jane for a list of suggestions. Even with experience, it is often hard and awkward to deal with the grief of another.

  10. Thank you, Jane, for this sweet and informative post. It's so hard to know what to say...you've given us such good guidelines. I've not been through this, but I am praying for the mom you mentioned. Hugs to you.

  11. I am so sorry for your friend's loss of her son. I can't imagine how hard it must be for her. Thank you for sharing this post of tips to help someone grieving, and for sharing your friend's facebook post. Her prayer is very helpful to me right now, with dealing with the recent loss of my brother.

    Thank you to you, and everyone on your prayer chain who has prayed for me and my family. We would still be very grateful for continued prayers.

    Blessings to you,

  12. What a beautiful post! That mother is in my prayers. After losing Chris this last year, I can so feel in a way I never could even though he wasn't exactly my son, but my son in law to be. Thanks for taking the time to write such a heartfelt post.


Blessings to all of you who have taken the time to leave your thoughtful comments. I read each one and hope you will come back often!

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